It’s a defining paradox of our modern times: despite having more avenues to communicate and connect with one another, many of us feel lonelier than ever. This phenomenon is explored in depth in The Social Biome: How Everyday Communication Connects and Shapes Us, a new book by researchers Jeffrey Hall, a professor and chair of communication studies at The University of Kansas, and Professor Andy Merolla from the University of California, Santa Barbara.
The authors use the metaphor of a “social biome”—defined as “complex ecosystems or interconnected communities of relationships and social interactions”—to illustrate how we can cultivate more nourishing social lives through repeated interactions, both small and large. This concept highlights the importance of everyday communication in maintaining social health, much like how our gut microbiome is essential for physical health.
The Importance of Everyday Interactions
According to Merolla, much of the existing research on social interaction overlooks the importance of seemingly mundane exchanges, such as small talk, which affirm our sense of belonging. These interactions, though minor, collectively contribute significantly to our social well-being.
“We started thinking [the gut microbiome] was a lot like the ideas we have about social interaction, where these small moments don’t seem significant, but in combination they can really amount to something important about our social health,” says Merolla.
These insights come at a time when loneliness is often misconceived as an individual issue, whereas it is actually influenced by a complex set of factors, ranging from the built environment to socioeconomic status.
Barriers to Connection
Michelle Lim, a clinical psychologist and CEO of the not-for-profit Ending Loneliness Together, emphasizes that barriers to connection are increasing, citing issues like the cost of living crisis.
“Increasingly, we are being faced with more barriers to connection, like the cost of living crisis,” says Lim.
Hall adds that social relationships are inherently interdependent and complex, often constrained by systemic issues like racism or generational trauma, which can limit our social worlds in ways that are beyond our control.
“The social biome as a metaphor works really well because we’re also interdependent within our structural systems,” Hall notes.
Practicing Communication
Despite these challenges, Hall argues that the difficulty of maintaining social connections is not a new concept. He likens communication to good nutrition or exercise—skills that require practice to improve.
“Communication has always been hard,” he says. “But what we have to remind ourselves is that like good nutrition or exercise, these take work and practice, and in doing them more, they become easier to do.”
In our increasingly frictionless society, where technology often smooths out the awkward edges of social interaction, it can be easy to retreat into ourselves. Hall and Lim both stress the importance of normalizing the challenges of communication and connection.
“We want to normalize that communication and connection are difficult,” Hall explains.
Incorporating Social Connection into Daily Life
Lim suggests incorporating small moments of connection into daily routines as a practical approach to combating loneliness. This might involve chatting with a neighbor or scheduling a regular phone call with a friend.
“It’s not about changing our behaviors so much because we know this takes a lot, but really thinking about ways of doing things that are already potentially in our routine,” Lim advises.
Hall also encourages a shift in perspective to recognize social opportunities in everyday life.
“You have to begin to see social opportunities in your world,” he says.
The “Ladder of Communication”
In their book, Hall and Merolla introduce a “ladder of communication” to illustrate the value of different forms of communication. At the top is face-to-face interaction, followed by video chats and phone calls, then texting or direct messaging, with social media interactions at the bottom.
“The idea is to honor the idea that anywhere you’re at on the ladder is better than nothing,” says Hall.
Lim agrees that starting small is the right approach, emphasizing the importance of practice in maintaining social skills.
“For some people, it might just mean saying ‘hi’,” she says. “We can get very easily de-socialized.”
As Hall and Merolla’s work suggests, every interaction, no matter how small, contributes to our social biome. By understanding and nurturing these connections, we can begin to address the loneliness crisis that defines our times.
