As divorce rates climb and the cost of living continues to surge, single mothers in China are increasingly turning to an unconventional solution: partnering with other single mothers. This emerging trend sees mothers joining forces to share homes and child-rearing responsibilities, fostering a sense of community and mutual support.
Across various social media platforms, posts from overwhelmed mothers are seeking like-minded individuals to form these unique partnerships. One popular post on Xiaohongshu, known internationally as Rednote, encapsulates this sentiment: “I’m hoping to find another single mom to share an apartment with, so we can take care of each other. If our children are around the same age, that would be even better – they can be companions. Those raising kids alone know how tough it is; sometimes you’re so busy you barely have time to eat.”
While there is no specific data quantifying this trend, scholars have observed a noticeable growth in these informal support networks online. These networks are characterized by housemate-seeking posts and broader discussions offering advice for women considering such arrangements.
Single Mothers: A Growing Demographic
China is home to an estimated 30 million single mothers. Despite government efforts to discourage divorce, rates have quadrupled over the past two decades. In more than 80% of family breakdowns, mothers assume custody of the children. Legal obligations for child support exist, but a significant number of single-mother families in first-tier cities still live below the poverty line, according to government data.
Zhu Danyu and Fei Yuan, both single mothers, exemplify this trend. They have lived together in Nanjing since 2022. “At the core, we both know very clearly why we’re together – it’s about sharing and managing the risks and pressures of life,” Zhu explains.
The two women first connected when Zhu was seeking collaborators for her education start-up. Both were divorced, with Zhu having two daughters and Fei one. Their families quickly bonded, spending increasing amounts of time together, especially during the COVID-19 lockdowns.
Shared Lives, Shared Responsibilities
Over time, Zhu and Fei realized they shared similar values and complementary personalities. “I’m more detail-oriented and love keeping things tidy, but I can’t cook. Really, I just can’t. Danyu, on the other hand, is a great cook and loves making meals for the kids,” Fei shares. Now, they run a joint business and household, with their children doing homework together and the mothers sharing caregiving duties.
Despite facing online criticism and rumors about their relationship, Zhu and Fei have found support from friends and family. “What matters to us is whether our children are happy, healthy and doing well in school, and whether our business is growing steadily,” Zhu states.
“Single mothers across all social strata struggle financially,” says Dr. Ye Liu, an expert in international development at King’s College London. “This financial precarity, intensified by rising inflation and the cost of living, is the likely driving force behind mothers seeking informal support via personal advertisements.”
Challenges and Cultural Shifts
Traditional family values remain strong in China, particularly in rural areas where young divorced women often face pressure to remarry. Jiang Mengyue, a 31-year-old single mother, chose a different path. After her divorce, she left her hometown in Guizhou province with her daughter and moved in with Shi Mengyue, another single mother. Together, they have created a structured daily routine, with Jiang caring for the children while Shi works as a professional date matchmaker.
“Since there’s no personal interest or benefit involved, this kind of relationship feels purer and simpler than marriage,” Jiang remarks.
While negative social sentiment about divorce and single mothers is changing, aided by cultural shifts and media like the 2024 hit movie “Her Story,” structural issues remain. The informal nature of these living arrangements means the women lack legal protections, and not all partnerships succeed. Some arrangements collapse due to children not getting along or financial imbalances.
However, for those who find the right balance, the benefits are significant. “When our families came together, the house suddenly became full of life: three little girls running around, laughing all the time,” Fei observes. “Through spending time together, all three have become more outgoing and confident. That’s the first big change I’ve noticed. The second is that they’re now surrounded by double the love.”
This development highlights a critical gap in state welfare provisions for single parents, as noted by experts. As single mothers continue to navigate these challenges, the rise of these partnerships offers a glimpse into the evolving landscape of family dynamics in China.
