“Birds of a feather flock together” is a cliché that holds true in many aspects of romantic relationships. Shared religious beliefs, values, political affiliations, and even music tastes significantly influence attraction and satisfaction in relationships. Recently, a study has identified another unexpected factor that may bring couples closer: sharing a similar mental health diagnosis.
The concept of romantic partners sharing a psychiatric diagnosis is not new. Between 1964 and 1985, several studies explored why people choose their romantic partners, including psychiatric diagnosis as a variable. However, no large-scale, cross-cultural investigation had been conducted until recently.
Using national health insurance data from over six million couples, a team of researchers analyzed the degree to which psychiatric disorders were shared between partners. They examined data from five million couples in Taiwan, 571,534 couples in Denmark, and 707,263 couples in Sweden. Nine psychiatric disorders were considered, including depression, anxiety, substance-use disorder, bipolar disorder, anorexia nervosa, ADHD, autism, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and schizophrenia. The study found that individuals with a diagnosed psychiatric disorder were more likely to marry someone with the same or a similar disorder than someone without one.
Understanding the Phenomenon
Assortative Mating
Assortative mating is a theory suggesting that we choose partners who are similar to us. Typically applied to personality and social factors, such as shared religious or socioeconomic backgrounds, this study suggests that this choice may extend to mental health. A person with a specific psychiatric disorder—like anxiety or autism—may be drawn to someone with a similar disorder due to shared traits, values, or daily life approaches, such as prioritizing structure and routine.
Proximity and Social Situations
The mere exposure effect posits that we often form relationships with people we live or work near or spend time around. People sharing psychiatric diagnoses may gravitate towards similar social settings. For instance, individuals with substance use disorder may frequent bars or other environments where substance use is common, increasing the likelihood of meeting potential partners with similar struggles.
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory suggests that our early bonds with caregivers shape our emotional and psychological behavior patterns and influence what we seek in relationships. Someone with an anxious attachment style might feel drawn to a partner with a similar style or behavior, such as constant reassurance. Although potentially unhealthy, the validation from such relationships can be compelling.
Research indicates that certain attachment styles are more prevalent in individuals with specific psychiatric conditions. For example, an anxious attachment style is more common among those with anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder, possibly explaining why such individuals often marry each other.
Social Identity Theory
Social identity theory posits that self-esteem is derived from belonging to social groups. Starting a relationship with someone from within one’s social group can boost self-esteem by enhancing a sense of belonging and understanding. This might explain why individuals with the same psychiatric diagnosis are drawn to each other, as finding someone who understands and shares similar struggles can foster bonding and validation.
Implications and Future Directions
The study’s findings highlight the prevalence of shared psychiatric diagnoses among couples but do not address the quality or duration of these relationships, nor do they account for individual differences that may affect relationship dynamics. While shared experiences can promote closeness and empathetic communication, having a partner who understands and relates to one’s mental illness can provide unique social support and validation.
However, the authors acknowledge limitations in their findings. The timing of relationships and diagnoses was not recorded, meaning diagnoses could have occurred after relationships began, not necessarily as a result of active choice. Additionally, care providers’ biases may influence diagnosis likelihood, as couples often share the same family doctor, potentially skewing results.
Ultimately, while shared psychiatric diagnoses may bring couples closer, the study emphasizes the need for further research to understand the underlying factors and implications fully. This understanding could inform therapeutic approaches and support systems for couples navigating mental health challenges together.
