Inside the dungeon of Melbourne’s Inflation nightclub, a space set aside for guests of the Saints & Sinners Ball, a bacchanalian event that has been running for over three decades, the scene is one of intense and unabashed sexuality. Around 800 people have gathered here, drawn by the allure of exploring The Lifestyle—a term encompassing various forms of ethical non-monogamy, including swinging.
As I navigate this vibrant and provocative environment, I witness a myriad of activities that challenge conventional norms. From a redhead strapped to a spanking bench to a sex show featuring silicone objects, the event is a testament to the diverse expressions of human sexuality. For many attendees, this is more than just a party; it is a space where they can be themselves, surrounded by like-minded individuals.
The Rise of Ethical Non-Monogamy
The Saints & Sinners Ball is just one example of the growing acceptance and exploration of ethical non-monogamy in Australia. This cultural shift is driven by a desire for more open and honest relationships, as well as a response to the constraints of traditional monogamy. The rise of terms like “ethical non-monogamy” and “situationships” reflects a broader societal embrace of diverse relationship structures.
According to Australia’s celebrity sexologist Chantelle Otten, this movement is not just about sexual exploration but also about creating a curated, inclusive experience. “It’s more intentional and inclusive now, and more appealing to femmes,” she explains. The popularity of explicit “romantasy” books and sex-positive media further fuels this trend, making The Lifestyle more approachable and appealing to newcomers.
Historical Context and Modern Developments
The concept of swinging has historical roots, with some tracing its origins to the 1940s among US Air Force pilots. Over the decades, it has evolved from a secretive practice into a more mainstream movement. In Australia, The Lifestyle was once hidden, with connections made through “contacts magazines” and left-wing newspapers. However, the advent of the internet and dating apps has revolutionized the way people engage with non-traditional relationships.
Today, events like the Saints & Sinners Ball are complemented by smaller, more intimate gatherings. In Melbourne, the monthly “social swinging” party MINGLE, run by a married couple known as “CC and B,” has grown from 20 attendees to 150 per night. These events cater to a diverse audience, including queer, kink, and younger individuals, reflecting the changing demographics of The Lifestyle.
Challenges and Community Dynamics
Despite its growth, The Lifestyle is not without challenges. Issues of consent and safety are paramount, with event organizers taking measures to ensure a respectful environment. Volunteer “consent angels” like Carly Taylor play a crucial role in supporting attendees and addressing any concerns.
However, as with any community, there are darker aspects. Chantelle Otten warns of the potential for harm, stating, “You can screen and vet, but can you see through everyone’s motivations? Absolutely not.” The scene is also self-policing, with bad actors quickly identified and shunned.
The Future of The Lifestyle in Australia
As The Lifestyle continues to evolve, it is clear that it offers a unique space for individuals to explore their sexuality and connect with others. The rise of events like Virtue & Vice, which draws over 1200 attendees, demonstrates the increasing demand for such experiences.
For many, The Lifestyle represents a chance to live authentically and embrace their desires. As one participant, Kate, explains, “You reach this place where it’s like, ‘We’re all going to be a bit naked together and not judging one another, and it’s going to be fine, it’s going to be fun.'”
Ultimately, the growth of ethical non-monogamy in Australia is a reflection of broader societal changes, as people seek more open and honest ways to connect and express themselves. Whether through large-scale events or intimate gatherings, The Lifestyle offers a space for exploration and acceptance.
